Are those who pause a lot before saying something calculating?
13 Sep 2009 Leave a Comment
in Japan – Modern Trends, Japan – Pop Psychology Tags: Boss, Japan, Japanese business culture, Japanese culture, Japanese work culture, Psychology
You can be sure that it is difficult to convince someone who uses pause words before saying something during a conversation. That is to say, based on the utterance of pause words, the speaker is trying to prolong the time before delving into the main question. During that time the person is thinking about what direction would be advantageous. There are many instances in which they are putting together a plan in their head.
Even during negotiations this type of person when asked “So, what do you think?” will for example respond with “Uhhh, you know, indeed, certainly that is good but”…..
In that short period of time this person is thinking about “What can I do to bring out better terms.”
If it seems like the talks are not advancing in a way that is favorable to them and they are pausing a lot during negotiating than you better be prepared to put in a lot of time and effort because they will be difficult to convince.
However, they are people that stall because of indecisiveness and this may possibly be the result of lack of preparation. A person who keeps pausing is under a lot of pressure and so if you can lead the conversation well you can convince him much easierly than you expect.
A how to guide on “nomunication” for Japanese businessmen
13 Sep 2009 Leave a Comment
in Japan – Modern Trends, Japan – Pop Psychology Tags: Boss, drinking with Japanese co-workers, Japan, Japanese business culture, Japanese culture, Japanese work culture, Psychology
Co-workers having a night out
A translation of an article by About.com Japan by thebaboose.
http://allabout.co.jp/career/speechskill/closeup/CU20081112A/
Its already December and as the year comes closer to an end the amount of drinking parties in one way or another increases and it is often the case that subordinates (buka3) have to reluctantly accept their bosses invitation. If you don’t know your nomunication, there is a chance that the distance between you and your subordinates will increase. Therefore, we will show you in this article how to capitalize on your night out with your subordinates and become more well liked through nomunication.
Especially because its a night out drinking, a person’s personality can be seen, so as a boss it’s important to not forget your role.
Nomunication and its effects
Obviously subordinates enjoy drinking with their friends but when it comes to drinking with their bosses, they feel nervous. When in this situation one sure thing that you can do that often leads to a good outcome is talking about things you normally don’t talk about. What do you think will happen if you do this?
● Be frank
Don’t just act like your normal business self, show a bit of your personal side. It will make it a lot easier for your subordinate to talk to you. It will also help to remove that personality stifling suit and loosen your ties..
●Seeing your subordinates’ true self,
You can understand the side your subordinate does not reveal everyday through having your subordinate feel relaxed. It is very important for a boss to know what kind of person a subordinate is.
If you can make good use of the night spent out, you will understand how to communicate with your subordinate on a daily basis. To do that you must show him a side of you that is different from your normal business self. The one who has to show initiation is you!
This type of boss is disliked!
A boss that turns into your ordinary drunk after drinking, will be disliked by subordinates. Therefore, you should always have in mind that your night out drinking will have an effect on work. Below, are types of bosses that you should avoid becoming after drinking.
● Bosses who brag
Although your intention is to talk about good things, it comes out as bragging. When you brag, the only thing the other person can do is listen and bragging is an easy mistake to make when the other person is your subordinate. This applies to complaining as well.
● Bosses who don’t lend an ear to listen to a subordinate talk
Nommunication is used for creating a better relationship with others. That’s why you can’t just talk about yourself and should set some time for listening to your subordinate talk.
● Bosses who don’t understand work-related personal distance
Be very careful of misjudging the personal distance between you and another after drinking. It is easy for sexual or power harassment to occur and will result in you losing your subordinates trust.
● Bosses who become dead drunk
That is unreasonable! Even if it happens once, people won’t stop talking about it. There are things you aren’t aware of yourself, so you should listen to the frank conversation that comes out of those who you are close to when drinking. You should also be aware of those who get drunk easily.
In part three of this article on nomunication (using a night out drinking to facilitate conversation), we will teach you how to effectively use nomunication, and we will introduce some points to help you become a well-liked manager.
Using Nomunication effectively
Before you know it, your get-together will end like any other. In order to prevent that from happening, it is important to have a purpose from the beginning. I recommend choosing and aiming for one goal. For example, to have an informal social gathering, to ask your subordinates about their job related worries, or to motivate them, etc.
●An informal social gathering
There are get-togethers with the purpose of getting to know your colleagues better. If a boss talks about work in a casual way at a get-together, they will be trusted as an experienced co-worker by subordinates. Also, if you show them a part of your personal side, they will feel that you are both becoming closer.
●Asking your subordinates about their job related worries
If this is your purpose, you should focus on asking questions. Using the power of alcohol, it will be easier to talk and listen to your subordinates talk about their worries. Also, don’t forget to give solutions to their problems or any other good advice.
● Motivating your subordinates
Raise group morale and motivate them! If you do that the get-together will become a little livelier and everyone can brainstorm about a new project or new work. Hopefully you can bring out some of the subordinates ideas if you lead the brainstorming well and if you are aiming for the same purpose, you can work together as one.
Talking about your past failures is a good way of becoming a boss that is liked
At a get-together, you will be understood better if you can express your personality. It is best when a subordinate feels they can trust you and therefore consult with you at their time of need.
A good way of doing this is to talk about your past failures at work. You should talk about how you overcame your failures. If you do that your subordinates will understand where your coming from, and will themselves know how to proceed from here on. However be careful, if you only talk about how you overcame the failure, it will be interpreted as bragging. Also, you should talk genuinely about your mistake. Your subordinates will gain trust towards you and regard of you as a boss with a wealth of experience.
Even if you brag, no one likes to talk about their mistakes. So, being a boss who can talk about his or her mistakes is the way to create a sense of trust and closeness. Your subordinates will have a favorable impression of your frank personality and your relationship together will definitely change from the next day.
Nomunication used at a get-together is good for opening doors. If you have a purpose for this get-together and can use it effectively, one’s subordinates will surely think that the get-together is worth one’s time.
C.H.O.B.I.T.S, will humans fall in love with robots?
13 Sep 2009 1 Comment
in Japan - Silly, Japan – Modern Trends, Japan – Pop Psychology, Psychology Tags: C.H.O.B.I.T.S, human and computer love, Japanese Manga, Japanese sci-fi, Manga
A female computer
Recently, I’ve been reading a Japanese manga series called C.H.O.B.I.T.S. Set in the future, it’s about a country bumpkin who moves to Tokyo to enter a college entrance exam preparation school. The story starts 6 months into his life in the city where he finds a female-formed computer laying in the trash (in the story, desktop computers come in the form of a human, the picture above, while notebook computers look like a miniature human that fits in the palm of your hand, bottom). From here this futuristic romantic comedy starts.
I think this story has a lot of interesting psychological and philosophical themes. Its an age where human-formed computers have replaced animals as pets; taken over most menial tasks; and human-robot love relationships are the norm. It also offers a glance into our not so distant future.
In modern society, some people have come to prefer the company of animals (Ex. cats and dogs) to humans. In addition, modern dogs and cats are treated as if it is a person’s own child or as little humans – heck, animals are even given human names and have their own beauticians and clothes rack. Like its modern counterpart the dog, the human-formed computers are also dressed by its human owner. In the book the popular theme for female-formed computers clothes were those typical of cosplay and normal clothes for its male counterparts.
The human-formed computer seems like a very plausible candidate to dethrone dogs as man’s best friend. In Chobits, computers play the role of companion, secretary – and sometimes lover. A person would not need to remember dates, names, and events. All the math you dreaded studying in high school would not be needed. In the Chobits world, the computer really does do everything: working in restaurants, offices, and supermarkets, the computer can be seen in all aspects of commercial life.
The theme of human and computer love is rampant in Chobits. The main character Hideki is constantly told by various characters to not fall in love with Chi (his female computer) and repeatedly hears of tragic cases where a human fell in love with a robot and the sadness it caused to the person and those around. For example, the wife, who’s husband locked her out of the home after falling in love with a computer; or the unfortunate baker who married a computer – not legally recognized – which later due to a malfunction, loses all its memory and with it any memories of the baker; and the computer genius who made a computer in the form and personality of his late sister.
However, not falling in love with a computer is much easier said than done in the Chobits world – where the only visible difference between a human and computer are ears. For this reason, Hideki is repeatedly reminded by friends that despite how human Chi looks, to not forget that it is a computer. This is also easier said than done as Hideki is gripped throughout the story over his relationship to Chi and whether or not its alright to fall in love or be aroused by a computer.
Two characters worth mentioning are Yumi, a high school girl and co-worker, who he is romantically interested, and the baker. For reasons unknown to Hideki at first, Yumi often asks if he likes female computers over human females and says more than once, “Its tough for her to compete with the perfection of computers.” The baker shares an opposite view to the anti-human computer love; he has no regret over his lost love and says, “Even though her (it) memory was erased, she stills exists in my memory.” This line plays a big part in the manga; it nudges Hideki towards overcoming his apprehensions of falling in love with his computer Chi.
Will there ever come a time where computers compete with humans and animals for a person’s attention or love? I think it is a highly plausible social outcome when the proper technology comes of age. Falling in love with a doll although hard to understand does happen and modern sex toys to pleasure ourselves can easily be purchased. In the future, a combination of the two in the form of a human-formed computer may appear.
I have not heard any cases of a man falling in love with a doll in the United States. However, it does, although rarely, in Japan (Click here). The video features a man who has fallen in love with a doll that doesn’t even talk! What happens when those dolls turn into computers that can communicate? How will our social, political, and economical constructs adjust to humans falling in love with computers? How will religion respond? Speaking as arm-chair anthropologist, I find this question quite interesting.
In the interplay of the story two legal questions come to light: Can a person legally marry a computer and can a person bestow property to a computer? Not included are questions like can a person be punished for the physical abuse of one’s own computer, and could a computer adopt a human child.
Already in several states, an owner can name a pet as the beneficiary of a trust (Pet Trust). Additionally, the abuse of an animal is punishable by law (animals are sentient beings) – maybe the next step will be a human marrying an animal?!
Some people will laugh, some people will cry, others will be flabbergasted and furious in response to these issues, however, if the time ever comes, how will society adapt to these issues?
A notebook computer
Damenzu Walker (Japanese women who are attracted to bad men)
08 Sep 2009 Leave a Comment
in Japan, Japan – Modern Trends, Japan – Pop Psychology Tags: Ara 40, Around 40, だめんず, だめんずうぉ〜か〜, だめんずうぉ〜か〜 in English, Damenzu Walker, Love in Japan, Modern Japan, Women in Japan
Damenzu Walker
My series on Damenzu Walker
My take on what a Damenzu Walker is and some possible causes
Translation of the Japanese Wikipedia page on Damenzu Walker
Translation of a Japanese blog post on Damenzu Walker (2nd on the search list for google)
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The Japanese slang word damenzu comes from the Japanese word for useless (dame) and the English word mens. It refers to a man who is not an ideal lover or marriage partner. The word comes from Mayumi Kurata’s manga Damenzu Walker and specifically refers to men who are poor, violent, and wasteful. It also refers to compulsive cheaters and liars. Use of the word spread like wildfire after the 2nd release of the television drama Damenzu Walker in 2006.
The Japanese word damenzu walker (derived from the word damenzu) refers to Japanese women who time and time again fall for damenzu. And are described as women who need to date damenzu and are unable to date normal men. Use of the term damenzu walker has been popularized through the sheer popularity of Mayumi Kurata’s manga Damenzu Walker and the success of the subsequent television dramas.
There are many hypotheses for why women constantly make bad decisions when choosing men. One writer, Kevin Clone, says that Japanese mothers who are unsatisfied – sexually, emotionally – with their life have intense feelings of jealousy towards their daughters opportunities: the youth and beauty, free time, work, and chances to meet men. Which leads these mothers, perhaps unconsciously, to try preventing their daughters from becoming happier than themselves. And in that process, instill in their daughters, a sense or desire to date men who are inferior to their fathers; and are therefore less successful than their mothers in the game of love. These mothers also try to reduce their daughters’ chances of meeting men by keeping them busy with activities – going out together, making them study, etc.
One Japanese blogger, whose translated blog entry on damenzu-walker, which can be found here, says that “damenzu-walker have distorted standards for choosing men.” I agree and disagree: it is more instinctual, unconscious feelings, which leads women to make bad choices. The same blogger quotes a psychology book and says:
These women view their father as the ideal man, and if their father is a damenzu, these women will believe that damenzu are her ideal men. And results in these women being lured to damenzu.
Overall, I think this is not a phenomenon unique to Japan. It happens all across the western world; women are attracted to men with power or those with powerful, confident personalities. I’m sure everyone has a western female friend who is trapped in a cycle of tossing herself into one cool boy’s (Mr. Rockband, Yoga instructor, Bartender, Athlete) arms to another. The blogger Kevin Clone is right when he says that damenzu walker tend to become arafo – unmarried Japanese career women around 40 who suddenly find themselves in a dating world, where all the good men have been taken.
I feel that damenzu walker cannot complain objectively about men being bad or evil, despite what they say, especially unhappy unmarried 40 year old women without children. You don’t drink alcohol everyday for 20 years, and expect sympathy when you get liver cancer. When women chose the fast life of the cool boy or the bad boy, while ignoring the many nice boys, you pay the cost when your peek period of desirability in the form of fertility and beauty passes.
Would a independent, successful, kind man in his late thirties want to marry a woman who is youthful and fertile (can delay child bearing for years), or a woman in her late thirties who may have a great job and salary, but has a greater chance of giving birth to a child with birth defects, and is in a rush against the clock to bear a child – the odds for birth defects increase in proportion to the mother’s age. In my experience, men who choose women in her 30s are often highly pressured by their wives to have children.
In my opinion, I would prefer to marry a woman who I could delay childbirth with. I would have to be prepared, emotionally, financially, and must know if she would be a suitable mother, emotionally, than be pressured by a woman in a battle against the clock. I have much empathy for these women around 40 without children: I would hate knowing that my decisions in my youth had affected my chances of giving birth, and especially giving birth to a healthy child. Unfortunately they draw their anger upon the wrong crowd.
Last, It should be noted that I have even more empathy for women who sacrificed their peak fertility for a career. When it comes to a career and having children, women have it ridiculously harder than men – unfortunately many men don’t understand this – and men should be very supportive to wives who give up or delay a career to have children. However the reality is, choosing a career will affect your future chances of finding a good mate. Thus, if you find having a good mate who will help take care of the children and support you as very important: you should use your time in your 20s very wisely to find a good mate.
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